I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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