If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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