margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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