I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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