It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize