someone get that fucking seahorse.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
