We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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