she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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