if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
