i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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