I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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