He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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