i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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