Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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