can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
