someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have fence marks all over my body
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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