dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
