Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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