he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
