I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
