I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
