remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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