you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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