I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
