and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
