I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
