tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
