hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
