so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you win again, gameday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
