I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
