nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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