Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
