she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize