connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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