A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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