There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
