so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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