And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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