Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
