Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
