I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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