I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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