I'm so fucking centered right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
