The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
