Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
