Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
