my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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