Christians are straight up FREAKS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
