conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
