so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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