do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
