She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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