i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
