I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
