Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
