How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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