if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
