my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
