You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
