i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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