you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
