He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
