I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
