She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
