Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
