I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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